Deanis
Tip#67: Sell Your Wii
ohhhhh SNAP!!!!
hahaha thats a pretty good one.
hahaha thats a pretty good one.
The Jokes Dump! Share Your Favourate Jokes Here!
- Thread starter Singhson
- Start date
- Thread Starter
- Thread starter
- #32
LOL, I like that porsche one, that Willy's America one, lol!
Another one i got in an email:
Why parents drink
The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.
" Hello "
"Is your daddy home?" he asked.
" Yes ," whispered the small voice.
May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, " No ."
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
" Y es ."
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered,
" No "
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked,
"Is anybody else there?"
" Yes ," whispered the child, "a policeman ".
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked,
"May I speak with the policeman?"
" No, he's busy ", whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
" Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman ," came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
" A helicopter " answered the whispering voice.
"What ! is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered,
" The search team just landed a helicopter ."
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked,
"What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle...
"ME ."
Another one i got in an email:
Why parents drink
The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.
" Hello "
"Is your daddy home?" he asked.
" Yes ," whispered the small voice.
May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, " No ."
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
" Y es ."
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered,
" No "
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked,
"Is anybody else there?"
" Yes ," whispered the child, "a policeman ".
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked,
"May I speak with the policeman?"
" No, he's busy ", whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
" Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman ," came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
" A helicopter " answered the whispering voice.
"What ! is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered,
" The search team just landed a helicopter ."
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked,
"What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle...
"ME ."
bigwilliiy
Iam THE LAW!
One day mummy and daddy wanted to have sex, but they couldnt get a baby sitter for little bobby, so when they wanted to do it they sent him to the front veranda to play spy.
One day while doing it they heard bobby say many things
"3:14 A DOG JUST WALKED PAST OUR YARD"
"3:15 A PERSON JUST RAN PAST OUR STREET"
"3:16 TOMMY'S PARENTS ARE HAVING SEX"
Alramed the parents rushed to bobby and asked him:
"HOW DO YOU KNOW TOMMY'S PARENTS ARE HAVING SEX!?!"
Bobby replied.
" Their kid is on the verandah as well..."
One day while doing it they heard bobby say many things
"3:14 A DOG JUST WALKED PAST OUR YARD"
"3:15 A PERSON JUST RAN PAST OUR STREET"
"3:16 TOMMY'S PARENTS ARE HAVING SEX"
Alramed the parents rushed to bobby and asked him:
"HOW DO YOU KNOW TOMMY'S PARENTS ARE HAVING SEX!?!"
Bobby replied.
" Their kid is on the verandah as well..."
- Thread Starter
- Thread starter
- #34
lol, nice one willy!
Parents always think that kids no nothing.
Another one:
>
> A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during
>a particularly icy winter.
> They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their
>honeymoon 20 years earlier.
> Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate
>their travel plans.
> So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday,
>with his wife flying down the following day.
> The husband checked into the hotel.
> There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email
>to his wife.
> However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email
>address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.
> Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home
>from her husband's funeral.
> He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart
>attack.
> The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from
>relatives and friends.
> After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.
> The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the
>floor,
> and saw the computer screen which read:
>
> To: My loving wife
>
> Subject: I've arrived Date: May 9th, 2005
>
> I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers
>here
>
> now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones.
>
> I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that
>everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to
>seeing you then.
>
> Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
>
> P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!!
lol, i thought this one was pretty funny!
Parents always think that kids no nothing.
Another one:
>
> A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during
>a particularly icy winter.
> They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their
>honeymoon 20 years earlier.
> Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate
>their travel plans.
> So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday,
>with his wife flying down the following day.
> The husband checked into the hotel.
> There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email
>to his wife.
> However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email
>address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.
> Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home
>from her husband's funeral.
> He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart
>attack.
> The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from
>relatives and friends.
> After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.
> The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the
>floor,
> and saw the computer screen which read:
>
> To: My loving wife
>
> Subject: I've arrived Date: May 9th, 2005
>
> I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers
>here
>
> now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones.
>
> I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that
>everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to
>seeing you then.
>
> Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
>
> P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!!
lol, i thought this one was pretty funny!
Last edited:
*Gymnast*
Wii rocks!
-Redneck pick-up lines-
-Did you fart? kuz u blow me away.
- Are your parents retarted? kuz you sure are special.
-Did you fart? kuz u blow me away.
- Are your parents retarted? kuz you sure are special.
- Thread Starter
- Thread starter
- #36
LOL, nice Tarah! I love that Porsche one too, I love it!
I've got 2:
A contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" had reached the final plateau.
If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $32,000 milestone money.
And as she suspected it would be, the million-dollar question was no pushover.
It was, "Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds?
Is it:
A) the condor
B) the buzzard
C) the cuckoo
D) the vulture
The woman was on the spot She did not know the answer. And she was doubly on the spot because she had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Audience Poll Lifeline. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline. The woman hoped she would not have to use it because ... her friend was, well...blonde.
She had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices. The blonde responded unhesitatingly: "That's easy.
The answer is C: the cuckoo."
The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving Regis any answer except the one that her friend had given her. And considering that her friend was a blonde, that would seem to be the logical thing to do. But her friend had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the contestant could not help but be persuaded.
"I need an answer," said Regis.
Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, "C: The cuckoo."
"Is that your final answer?"
"Yes, that is my final answer."
Two minutes later, Regis said, "That answer is .... Absolutely correct!!
You are now a
millionaire!"
Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends, including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars.
"Jeni, I just do not know how to thank you," said the contestant. "How did you happen to know the right answer?"
"Oh, come on," said the blonde..
"Everybody knows that cuckoos don't build nests. They live in clocks."
---------------------------------------------------------------
After last call, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so
>apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around
>the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.
>Afterwhat seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five different
>vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it. He sat there
>for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove
>off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off--it was a
>fine, dry summer night--, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of
>times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the
>vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a
>little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the
>other patrons' vehicles left. At last, when his was the only car left in
>the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road.
>The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now
>started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly
>pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test. To his
>amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had
>consumed any alcohol at all!
>Dumbfounded, the officer said, I'll have to ask you to accompany me to
>the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken."
>
>"I doubt it," said the truly proud Redneck. "Tonight I'm the
>designated decoy."
I've got 2:
A contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" had reached the final plateau.
If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $32,000 milestone money.
And as she suspected it would be, the million-dollar question was no pushover.
It was, "Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds?
Is it:
A) the condor
B) the buzzard
C) the cuckoo
D) the vulture
The woman was on the spot She did not know the answer. And she was doubly on the spot because she had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Audience Poll Lifeline. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline. The woman hoped she would not have to use it because ... her friend was, well...blonde.
She had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices. The blonde responded unhesitatingly: "That's easy.
The answer is C: the cuckoo."
The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving Regis any answer except the one that her friend had given her. And considering that her friend was a blonde, that would seem to be the logical thing to do. But her friend had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the contestant could not help but be persuaded.
"I need an answer," said Regis.
Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, "C: The cuckoo."
"Is that your final answer?"
"Yes, that is my final answer."
Two minutes later, Regis said, "That answer is .... Absolutely correct!!
You are now a
millionaire!"
Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends, including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars.
"Jeni, I just do not know how to thank you," said the contestant. "How did you happen to know the right answer?"
"Oh, come on," said the blonde..
"Everybody knows that cuckoos don't build nests. They live in clocks."
---------------------------------------------------------------
After last call, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so
>apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around
>the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.
>Afterwhat seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five different
>vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it. He sat there
>for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove
>off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off--it was a
>fine, dry summer night--, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of
>times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the
>vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a
>little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the
>other patrons' vehicles left. At last, when his was the only car left in
>the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road.
>The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now
>started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly
>pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test. To his
>amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had
>consumed any alcohol at all!
>Dumbfounded, the officer said, I'll have to ask you to accompany me to
>the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken."
>
>"I doubt it," said the truly proud Redneck. "Tonight I'm the
>designated decoy."
