The Jokes Dump! Share Your Favourate Jokes Here!

[Singhson]

Here's one of my favorites!

There was this old man in the pub, he was sooo drunk, its absurd, he was crazy drunk. Anyway he decided to get up, when he did he fell flat on his face!
So he thought, "Oh, maybe i just need some fresh air"!
So he goes outside, stands up again, and fall face first into a ditch of mud, so he says's, "forget his, I'm gonna crawl it home"!
The next morning his wife opens the door, to find her husband outside on the door step. She said, "you've been drinking again haven't you"?
He said "yeah, how did you know"?
She said "because you left you wheelchair at the pub again"!

 

[Wii_Smurf]

Thats good

Heres one. It's quite dirty so I'll Spoiler it

Spoiler

A group of lads are in a bar drinking when a man comes up to them and says
"I ****ed your mum last night" to one of the lads. The lads ignore him and carry on drinking. Later on in the night the man walks over to them again and says to the same lad
"Im going to **** your mum tonight aswell"
The lads once again ignore him and carry on. Even later on the man comes to them for the third time but the lad interupts him and says
"C'mon dad this is getting silly, you're drunk!"

 

[Singhson]

very good, very good will smurf!

try this one.

There's a blond, Russian and an American sitting together on a table.
The Russian said, we were the first in space!
The American said, so what, we were the first on the moon!
The blond said, so what! We're gonna be the first on the sun!
The American and Russian looked at each other and nodded in disagreement,
"You'll burn up you idiot", said the Russian.
The blond said, we're not stupid you know! We're gonna go at night!

hey, hey, what you think?

 

[Wii_Smurf]

Is good
But abit of Irony on your 'Dumb Blonde joke'
You spelt Blonde wrong.

 

[Singhson]

yeah, it's the damn American dictionary, i just clicked it cus it was underlined.

 

[wii_girliefairie]

ok........heres two.

a rabbit walks into a bar, he says, "got any grapes?" bartender says "no" so the rabbit goes the second day. "got any grapes?" bartender says,"no! we dont have any grapes! if you ask if we have grapes ONE MORE TIME i will nail your feet to the floor!" rabbit comes the third day. "got any nails?" bartender says, "no...why would i have nails?" rabbit says,"got any grapes?!?!?!"

and the second one.
wii_smurf walks into a bar...






He says ouch. XD

 

[konomaroh]

Q: How do you know if a blond has been in your fridge?

A: Your cucumber has lipstick on it

 

[trisyyy]

Q: How do you know if a blond has been in your fridge?

A: Your cucumber has lipstick on it

lmao :lol:


ok ok, heres one,

there are these three guys on a plane, and they each have to drop one thing, theres an alcaholic, a priest, and an army guy. The alcaholic throws a beer bottle, the priest throws a bible, and the army guy throws a grenade. now the alcaholic is walking down the street and sees a kid crying, and the alcaholic says "why are you crying" and the kid says "my dad got hit with a beer bottle". now the next day the preist is walking down the street and sees another kid crying, so the preist says "why are you crying" and the kid says "my dad got hit with a bible". Now the next day the army guy is walking down the street and sees a kid laughing, so he goes up to the kid and says "why are you laughing" and the kid says "my dad farted and blew the house up"! when the kid didn't know that the grendade hit the house at the same time his dad farted! :lol:


we should rate eachothers jokes from now on, ok?

kono, u get a 9/10, made me laugh

 

[TJgamer]

I'll give a 8/10 that one never gets old.
Two blondes are talking , then one asks the other which is closer, the moon or florida?
The other blonde says "hello, can you see florida from here?"

 

[trisyyy]

lol, i have blonde har, but i love blonde jokes, 9/10



there are three aliens, the first one can only say yep, yep, yep, the second one can only say forks and knives, forks and knives, and the third one can only say goody goody gumdrops! ok so a police man walks up to them and says "did you kill this woman" and the first alien says "yep, yep, yep!" and he says "what'd you kil her with"? and the second alien says "forks and knives, forks and knives"! and he says "your going to jail"! and the third alien says "goody goody gumdrops"! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

[arogeek]

i got one........

Spoiler

A buisness woman and a southern belle are on a plane. The southern belle asks "so, where yall' from?" There is a long silence..........then the buisness woman replies " Where I'm from, people don't end there sentences in prepositions" Anther long silence.....................................The southern belle then replies "so, where yall' from, B***H"

 

[TJgamer]

Thats a new one to me 9/10
Like blonde jokes? Heres another:
Theres a pyramid with 100 steps, every 5 steps someone comes out and tells you a joke.
If you laugh, you lose, if you make it to the top you get one wish.
So a brunette tries and she laughs at the 20th step.
A red head goes and she laughs at the 40th step.
A blonde tries and passes the first 95 steps without even giving an inch.
Just before the last guy was going to say his joke she bursts out laughing. He asks"Why are you laughing? I didn't say my joke."
She replies"i just got the first joke."

 

[Dinner]

Stolen from Ebaumsworld XD

Spoiler

Two men are in court on drug charges. The judge says, “If, over the weekend, you can persuade enough people to give up drugs, I’ll let you two off.”

Back in court on Monday, the judge asks for their results.

“I persuaded 10 people to give up drugs forever,” the first man says.

“That’s great,” the judge replies. “What did you tell them?”

“I drew two circles; one big, one small. I told them the big circle was their brain before drugs, and the little circle was their brain after drugs.”

The other defendant says, “I got 100 people to give up drugs!”

“One hundred! How?” asks the judge.

“Well, I drew the same two circles. I pointed to the small circle and said, ‘This is your asshole before prison…’”

 

[Wii_Smurf]

Thats alright I suppose

7/10

I got one

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

 

[Wamoo]

Lol ↑ 9/10

Whats long,green, and smells like pork? Kermit the Frog's finger.