NateTheGreat
Pondering Member
Wow, finally, something really interesting to read on this site! You've got a lot of good imagery and style.
Um, can I make one little suggestion? I noticed the expression "shot [insert character name] a look" quite a few times. Though I like reacurring themes, perhaps if you varied it a bit, like saying for example "the look he/she sent/gave me" or "[insert facial expression] formed on his/her face..." Sometimes it can make the story feel more intricate/complex.
I can hardly wait for Chapter 3. Well done.
Um, can I make one little suggestion? I noticed the expression "shot [insert character name] a look" quite a few times. Though I like reacurring themes, perhaps if you varied it a bit, like saying for example "the look he/she sent/gave me" or "[insert facial expression] formed on his/her face..." Sometimes it can make the story feel more intricate/complex.
I can hardly wait for Chapter 3. Well done.
